I'm now halfway done with this pregnancy. This first part has flown by, for the most part but honestly, my due date seems an eternity away.
I've hit a point this week where my patience is gone. I've received the infamous unsolicited parenting advice here and there, sure, but more so, I've been hearing from every direction people telling me exactly how my life will be once our lady is here. That I'm crazy for wanting to go back to teaching in the spring, that I'll never want to do another craft show again, that I must be off my rocker for running another Alliday in December, that I will never love my animals the same way I do now, and sadly, much more. I've smiled, nodded and given my canned responses just as many times as I can. I've hit my limit.
Yes, I realize that life will change in ways I can't imagine. I'm just blown away by how some people think that they know how my love will be distributed or how they absolutely know what my interests will be in the future. And when these predictions are followed with a laugh, well, I truly want to flip my lid. But I haven't.
Up until a year or so ago, I never planned on having children. I was a huge proponent of adopting (and still am) but I never saw myself as the mothering type. Having children was never on my life to-do list. Even though I'm in the midst of becoming a mother right now, it's still an idea I'm getting used to. Hitting this halfway point, I'm finding myself often filled with fear and uncertainties about the delivery process, maintaining a life where I do not lose myself, and raising a well-balanced, independent and cultured woman. Being filled with these thoughts and feelings and being bombarded with the opinions of others about my life has left me emotionally exhausted at this point.
My mister has been tremendously supportive and really, I think I've handled everything quite well up until this breaking point. One thing I've noticed in myself throughout this is that I've been more blunt. My filter is gone and in a way, that's been wonderfully freeing. I think there are probably some who aren't a fan of that change but that's where I'm at. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. Terribly excited. I'm anticipating her arrival and am ready to get this show on the road but it is all scary at the same time; it's the unknown.
I figured I would unburden those I have been venting to lately, remove my filter here and unload on you all. Perhaps this is normal to feel these frustrations at this point. Perhaps not. But it is what I'm going through. It's heavy, man.
In regards to my attire worn above, I wore a dollar Flea Market dress which I'm sure will get much wear this summer, long 80's Flea Market necklace, new Birkenstocks and a heart necklace from my childhood I recently found. There are dents on either side of the hollow heart where I would bite down on it. My teeth still perfectly fit in those indentions. Perhaps hers will, too.