Monday, May 7, 2012

One of Those Outfits: 20 Weeks & Pregnancy Reflections

I'm now halfway done with this pregnancy.  This first part has flown by, for the most part but honestly, my due date seems an eternity away.  
 I've hit a point this week where my patience is gone.  I've received the infamous unsolicited parenting advice here and there, sure, but more so, I've been hearing from every direction people telling me exactly how my life will be once our lady is here.  That I'm crazy for wanting to go back to teaching in the spring, that I'll never want to do another craft show again, that I must be off my rocker for running another Alliday in December, that I will never love my animals the same way I do now, and sadly, much more.  I've smiled, nodded and given my canned responses just as many times as I can.  I've hit my limit.  

Yes, I realize that life will change in ways I can't imagine.  I'm just blown away by how some people think that they know how my love will be distributed or how they absolutely know what my interests will be in the future.  And when these predictions are followed with a laugh, well, I truly want to flip my lid.  But I haven't.
 Up until a year or so ago, I never planned on having children.  I was a huge proponent of adopting (and still am) but I never saw myself as the mothering type.  Having children was never on my life to-do list.  Even though I'm in the midst of becoming a mother right now, it's still an idea I'm getting used to.  Hitting this halfway point, I'm finding myself often filled with fear and uncertainties about the delivery process, maintaining a life where I do not lose myself, and raising a well-balanced, independent and cultured woman.  Being filled with these thoughts and feelings and being bombarded with the opinions of others about my life has left me emotionally exhausted at this point.  

My mister has been tremendously supportive and really, I think I've handled everything quite well up until this breaking point.  One thing I've noticed in myself throughout this is that I've been more blunt.  My filter is gone and in a way, that's been wonderfully freeing.  I think there are probably some who aren't a fan of that change but that's where I'm at.  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited.  Terribly excited.  I'm anticipating her arrival and am ready to get this show on the road but it is all scary at the same time; it's the unknown.  
I figured I would unburden those I have been venting to lately, remove my filter here and unload on you all.  Perhaps this is normal to feel these frustrations at this point.  Perhaps not.  But it is what I'm going through.  It's heavy, man.

In regards to my attire worn above, I wore a dollar Flea Market dress which I'm sure will get much wear this summer, long 80's Flea Market necklace, new Birkenstocks and a heart necklace from my childhood I recently found.  There are dents on either side of the hollow heart where I would bite down on it.  My teeth still perfectly fit in those indentions.  Perhaps hers will, too.

7 comments:

  1. Sweet friend, I'm sorry you've been the recipient of such jerkiness. Unfortunately, it seems to come with the territory. Something about a pregnant mama seems to make people lose their minds. I think a lot of the time people project their own insecurities, regret over personal decisions, and emotional pain onto others without being aware that that's what they're doing. Motherhood is challenging, but so rewarding. Yes, things will change, perhaps even in ways that you couldn't foresee, but you will handle it with your usual grace and strength. You are more suited to raising a wonderful little human being than nearly anyone else I know! You are going to be a great mom. I know it's hard, but try to ignore those people. Spend as much time with Brent and your furry babies as you can. Enjoy the last few months of this stage of your life before an exciting new chapter begins. SLEEP all you can and just spend time talking to your sweet little girl. As far as the birth goes, trust your body and your baby. Our bodies are so amazing and so capable. I'm thrilled for you, and if I can do anything or help you in any way, please let me know. <3

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  2. I'm so sorry crazy people have been throwing parenting advice your way! That makes me mad about how they tell you how you're going to feel and act once little lady arrives. I had a few people tell me that the first year of marriage is the hardest when I told them I was getting married, and guess what. It's not. It may help that I've lived with my husband 5 years before we got married and we already have shared finances. It's not the same for everyone.
    You look beautiful!!

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  3. I hate when people tell me how to run my business, or tell me what I should do with Bella Vita. I usually smile and nod and change the subject. I can only imagine what it is like when a woman is pregnant. Welcome advice from those you trust, ignore the rest! I agree, what gives them the right to tell you what to do, think, expect, not do, etc. Do they know you? You know you.
    Good for you for wanting to go back to work and run Alliday! I am proud of you and hope that I'll have the same ambitions if I decide to have a child someday. I think you are adorable and wish you the best luck!

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  4. "There are dents on either side of the hollow heart where I would bite down on it. My teeth still perfectly fit in those indentions. Perhaps hers will, too."
    That made my heart swell. Love you, Darlin!!!

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  5. Sweet Briana, first of all I want to say how lovely you look here. The color of the dress is beautiful on you and so is pregnancy. ;-)

    I can relate to so much of this post. Your fears, your reluctance, your impatience at the endless supply of unsolicited advice when it comes to parenthood and the issue of having children. I really admire your determination to remain true to yourself and your passions and I think it's absolutely possible. People do it all the time (I see a certain badass mama on the first comment, she's a good example). You're going to be so good at this, and you know it. Just discard the advice of naysayers, all that matters is your sweet family (fuzzies included!) and the ones who support you.

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  6. There is something about becoming a mother that makes women think they have learned it all and must share that knowledge. I've been the bad guy with that before myself. However, aside from some good tips for all (rest while you can, enjoy your time pregnant, and take any last adult vacations you want for a while) everyone has to learn most things on their own. No one can tell you what will work because they aren't you and they will never know your child like you do. Losing your filter is good so that you set the point that you will ask for help if/when you need it. Then, just remember that they love you and want the best for you and want you to learn from their mistakes. That said, no one knows how your work, family, or animal life will change and you have plenty of time to figure all of that out - for yourself. I've seen plenty of people keep their animals as their first children, work a schedule for their artistic time, and do exactly the right thing about their jobs. And they did it without anyone telling them how to! You will do great and this burst of emotion is just nature's way of prepping you to be a mama lion and protect yourself and your cub at all costs!

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  7. I feel like being pregnant and being super old are THE two best excuses ever to be completely blunt bcuz no one can really get mad at you... or you know what I mean. Either way, w/ ppl saying that sort of stuff to you I really think you should be completely blunt. they have no right telling you things like that and most definitely everyone's lives are diff and what works well for one person may be horrible for another! and for a silly side note, you look absolutely radiant!
    http://dusanabotswana.com

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